Maybe

Again with the commercials. Since I watch an alarming number of self-improvement shows (thank you TLC), I inadvertently watch a lot of self-improvement commercials. Whitening toothpaste, self-tanning moisturizers, feminine odor powders, hair dye, and of course, makeup. So much makeup. Fortunately, I'm almost 100% impervious to makeup commercials. I wear makeup for work or for special events. I have some makeup I've owned for, ::gasp:: six, seven, eight years? I use the same brush for my concealer and my lip liner. I use hairspray to kill spiders, not fly aways. And... listen up world wide webernets: I did my own makeup, with the ages old aforementioned supplies, supplemented with free samples from Sephora... for the "most important day of my life" - my wedding.

And I'm starting to think that these companies are just blatantly lying about what their products do for you... specifically when it comes to anything that's supposed to defy your age or make any part of your face longer, smaller, shorter, whatever. Which is where I take a beef with Maybelline. They have this new "Maybelline Lash Stiletto" that claims to lengthen (or stretch... ouch!, depending on who you consult) your lashes seductively, give it a shiny patent finish and strengthen and condition your lashes.

First- who needs to "condition and strengthen" their lashes? Are men (or ladies) just rubbin' up on your lashes and getting pricked and scratched, poked in the eyes? Don't those things fall out, like, every two days? Why waste time conditioning? Second- a "shiny patent finish?" How the hell are you supposed to know? Those things are like, microscopic! That's like saying that spider's legs have a shiny patent finish. Who could possibly tell? And lastly, this "lengthening." I call BS. Perhaps the mascara has a super science ability to clump up on your lashes and back up on itself in a linear, uniform way, which gives the illusion of a lengthened lash to the naked eye. But I guess that would be too much of a mouthful for their gorgeous spokesperson de jour.

Maybe it's Maybelline? Maybe they made it up.